Tiny is Just Part of the Journey

"Tiny" is a term I started using years ago when I watched how my boys acted when they were feeling nervous, overwhelmed or scared. When they are tiny, their normally loud voices are so soft I can barely hear them talking, their boisterous personalities shift, and they almost visibly shrink in size. They hide behind my husband or me. They cling to us. They become "tiny" in every sense. Being tiny happens for different reasons- for one of my boys, it is on the first day of school/camp/really any social situation. For another boy, it is when he has to have a difficult conversation, like saying he's sorry or sorting out a conflict with a friend. For the other boy, it is when he has to go somewhere on his own, without mom or dad or brothers. Every time I see this in my boys, my heart melts a little and I soften, because I know what being tiny feels like (don't we all?).

Being tiny is hard, especially when you can't hide behind your mom and dad or cling to someone. But being tiny also means you're doing something hard, something that challenges you to step outside of the familiar, to step into the unknown. I have felt tiny many times over the past seven weeks while I trained for the mile race (yes, the one that is less than a week away. Gulp). I have felt tiny literally every time I look at the crossfit Workout of the Day (WOD) on the board at the Confluence. Like when the workout involved power cleans, and I wanted to turn around and go back to bed. Or when I thought there was no way I'd be able to flip upside down and attempt a hand stand push-up, in front of everyone at the gym none the less. I especially felt tiny when I went to a mini-track meet in Burlington a couple weeks ago. Sprint 100 meters in a race, in front of a group of spectators? I haven't felt that tiny in a long time.

Yet despite feeling tiny, I stuck to my training plan. I met friends at the track and pushed through hard workouts. I didn't turn around and head back out the door when I was overwhelmed at The Confluence. I stayed at that track meet and not only sprinted my heart out for the 100 meters, I also did an 800 meter and 400 meter race. I can't say it was pretty (especially the 100 meter race), but I did it.

This is how I wanted to look racing the 100 meters:

This is how I actually looked:

I have to admit, I'm feeling nervous about the race coming up this Friday. Maybe even a little tiny. What if I don't run as fast as I hope, what if I don't see the time I hope for on the clock at the end? Then I am reminded of the words Tyler, one of the instructors at the Confluence, wrote on his Facebook page a couple months ago:


"Life is a journey. Not a destination. A goal is merely a point on the roadmap of life. Roadblocks that send you backwards or sideways or upside-downways are reminders that progress is not a linear march or a process that is inflicted on you in the name of improvement. Progress is a dance. One in which you participate, learn, and enjoy yourself. Sometimes you find that your original goal isn't that important when you finally arrive. Aspire to do great things, and enjoy the detours - they are the journey."

And what a journey this past several weeks has been. I have not only experienced the joy (and pain) of running full speed around a track, I have also been reminded of how awesome crossfit is - the way it can feel purposeful and like play at the same time, and the way it takes me from feeling tiny to feeling totally freaking badass-strong all within a single hour. I am going to step up to the line on Friday for the mile race and give it everything I have. After all, I have worked really hard to get there. But whatever happens, I have been dancing along this training and have enjoyed the detours, I showed up despite feeling tiny, I learned more about myself, and I experienced progress in the non-linear sense. Bring on the mile race, I'm ready. 

Training Highlights: Dick Van Dyke and Shit-Pan Suppers

I'm kind of whooped. Good whooped. Like I've been working my butt off kind of whooped. So, without too much pondering about the meaning of it all, here are some highlights of my last week of training:

• Did the following track workout: 2 x 200 m, 2 x 400 m, 2 x 800 m, 2 x 400 m, 2 x 200 m, 4 x 100 m, with half of each distance of recovery jogging between, and I actually said, "Wow, that was good!" afterwards. Yep, insane.
• Driving home from a 5:15 am WOD at The Confluence, my friend and I swore we saw Dick Van Dyke drive past us. Seriously, it was him.  

• Ran one of my most favorite Montpelier loops - 7.3 miles - which includes an almost 2 mile climb up North Street in the beginning, but the views at the top are always worth it. Ran with some of my favorite women, the "Hillbillies". Best part? We started and finished at Birchgrove Baking, and snagged an amazing coffee at the end. Totally perfect reward.

• One of the WODs I did last week included rope climbs. I love rope climbs, I think I need to somehow incorporate them into my daily life. Forget taking the stairs, I'm gonna take the rope. 
• Again, driving home with my friend from the Confluence, when clearly we hadn't had coffee yet, I told her about my new favorite cookbook, and our conversation went like this:

          Me: "It's by Molly Gilbert, It's called "Sheet Pan Suppers."
          SG: (confused look) "Did you say She-Pan? That's a weird name."
          Me: (thinking she said Shit-Pan) "Ha, ha, not Shit-Pan! But that's awesome. Hey kids, we're    
          having a Shit-Pan dinner again tonight!"
          SG: "No, I thought you said She-Pan, kind of sounded sexist. Shit-Pan is actually better."
          Me: "Totally. Anyway, I'm getting you the cookbook. It rocks"

• During a strength session of a WOD last week, I back squated 130 lbs. I didn't realize until after that I was pretty impressed with myself, I basically squatted with a whole entire me on my back! 
• Ran my second "tester mile" to see where I'm at. I did this at the start of my training 4 weeks ago. I ran a 6:32 then, and this time ran a 6:16. It's nice to feel like I'm making progress, but more importantly, I'm having so much fun training. I'm still keeping my eye on a goal of a mile personal record (PR), (well, "post-babies PR" for now, which is sub 5:55), but for me the joy of running is back. My knee pain has settled down, and running fast laps on the track has brought back that feeling of child-like exhilaration that I love about speed work. Just running for the joy of it, fueled by Shit-Pan Suppers. 

Crossfit and the Importance of PLAY!

Yesterday morning I woke up to my alarm at 4:50 am. I'm starting to get into the rhythm of the 5:15 am crossfit WOD on Tuesdays & Thursdays, but I don't know if it will ever be "easy" to get out of bed before 5 am. It certainly helped that a friend was picking me up for the WOD, so I knew I had to get moving for her. Mind you, getting up at 4:50 am gives me exactly 12 minutes to get from my bed to her car, so I rolled out of bed, grabbed my workout clothes, and threw on a hat. Side note, I've been getting crazy bed-head lately, which is why I wear a hat to all my workouts and runs. We're talking world-record-breaking bed-head.

Anyway, so my friend and I drove up to the Confluence just as the sun was coming up over the mountains. Pink sky, gorgeous morning. We met the crew of 6 fellow early birds and our instructor, Tyler, and began to warm up inside. Our warm-up was a 12 minute fun mixture of mobility and agility movements (which I dubbed the "mobag" warm-up. But don't worry, I dubbed it that silently, to myself, because I do realize it probably wasn't funny to anyone else. Not at 5:15 am anyway). After the mobag, we headed outside to the Fit Park:

First up outside was a 10 minute game of Hoover Ball. Ah, what now? Hoover Ball is kind of like volleyball, only with a 6 pound medicine ball. I was feeling a little suspect about it all, kind of wanted to go right ahead and skip it. You know, maybe do some more mobagging or something. But we got set up at the volleyball net, 3 against 3, and started tossing the ball over the net. Suddenly, the theme song to Top Gun began blasting (again, only in my head), and I put myself right in that Tom Cruise shirtless volleyball scene (though I wisely kept my shirt on), and we played a serious game of Hoover Ball. So fun, and turned out to be great core work as I can tell today with my sore abs.

Hoover Ball!

Not Hoover Ball.

I'm Tom Cruise and I give the thumbs-up to Hoover Ball. (Silently, in Richarda's head).

While playing Hoover Ball outside as the day was just starting, it struck me how important play is, even for adults. On Thursdays, I work a 10 hour day, and being up at the Confluence in the morning of a long work day felt like my recess. My time to get my body moving, get a workout in, but most importantly, my time to play. I know I went into the game a bit begrudgingly, but a mere 2 minutes into it the power of play was not lost on me. The ball was slippery and it was a challenge to catch, but we were all diving, tossing and catching as if we were on an elementary school playground. There was a lot of laughing going on. It was a total bonus that we were getting a good workout in at the same time, and also a bonus that this was playing in my head. If you clicked on the link, #yourewelcome #imsorry. 

And, then, there was the Workout of the Day (WOD). It was a 15 minute as many rounds as possible (AMRAP), of 8 Atlas stone lifts, 8 barrier hops, and 8 toes to bar. The Atlas stone lifts involved lifting these stone balls to your shoulder (sounds easier than it is!):

The barrier hops involved hoisting yourself up and over these barriers. I dubbed this the "heimlich," not silently to myself. I'll be all set if I want to snack on grapes and hot dogs near one of these:

And, the toes to bars were exactly that, swing your toes up to the bar using one of these bars on the pull up shrine:

Like Hoover Ball, this workout was challenging but was pure play for me. Given my soreness today, I know I worked my muscles hard, but I smiled my way through it. Thank you, Confluence, for reminding me how much fun exercise can be. 

And, yeah, we all got pretty dirty out there. You know how all the advertisements for "adventure races" or "muddy races" show pictures of mud-smeared, laughing people, having so much fun? That's because it is fun to play and get muddy, even when you're pushing 40! My friend and I tried to capture the dirt in this picture, but it doesn't really show the full effect (nor does it remotely resemble the stylishly dirty people in the aforementioned ads):

Thanks, Confluence, for reminding me to PLAY! Time to get outside in the dirt again...

Week in Review: My Boys Say it Best

Sometimes my boys say it best. I dug through some old (and some recent) pictures of my boys to best summarize my workouts this past week:

Sunday: 8.5 mile run, including some good hills. Ran with 2 crossfit friends:

Warm day, great company, beautiful scenery. Joy.

Monday: Track workout: 1 mile warm-up, 8 x 400 meter repeats with 200 meter recovery between, 1 mile cool down.

While I do usually love track workouts, this morning I was the kid on the right. It just wasn't my morning. 

Tuesday: WOD (workout of the day) at The Confluence. Lots of mobility work, followed by power cleans and the WOD which I modified a bit to avoid burpees, so it was 7 rounds of ski erg 3-4 calories, 7 power cleans. So. Much. Fun.

I still am going light with the weights, but power cleaning 80 lbs felt so awesome. I felt like a strong ninja-running mama. Watch out!

Wednesday: 1.5 mile warm-up, 2 miles at 5k race pace with 2 min recovery between miles, 1.5 mile cool-down.

It was only Wednesday- but it had been a busy week already. Whooped!

Thursday: WOD at The Confluence: lots of mobility work, strength work was deadlifts. I was nervous about the deadlifts, having not really worked on them since I hurt my back. So, I decided to go light again, but felt great lifting 105 lbs. In the crossfit world, this is not much, but in my world it was awesome.

Errr, deadlifts? How do you do deadlifts again?

The workout was 4 rounds of 2 minutes, row 16 calories, and complete as many double unders (jumping rope with the rope going under you twice in one jump) as you can in the remaining time. I wasn't sure I'd be able to complete any double unders at all, but ended up with 47!

47 double unders- super psyched!!

Friday: Met up with friends and kids on the State House lawn for a fun workout including lunges, weighted squats, stair jumps, push-ups, dips, and lots of cardio in there. I have been leading these workouts since the fall with friends. They are casual, and we bring our kids (I have Griffin with me on Fridays), and they are always a great time to catch up, kids get to play, and the moms get a workout in. Win-win. Recently a friend dubbed these "Ri-Cardio" workouts. I love it!

Friday Mom's & Kid's workout: best time of the week!!

Saturday: Early morning 8 mile run in beautiful Calais. The weather was cool, the grass and trees had that early spring vibrant green, made only more brilliant with a blue sky backdrop. Despite all the hard work I put in this week, my knee felt good. The mobility work and strengthening from crossfit is paying off. Week two: success.

Being outside with good friends to share the journey. That's pretty much why I run. 

A Little Help From My Friends

Sometimes you need a little help from your friends, especially in running. I am fortunate to have some pretty darn amazing running friends. They are the reason it's not so bad getting up at 5:00 am to do a track workout or hill repeats. My running friends keep the conversations going when the terrain gets tough, they share my pre-race jitters, encourage me, motivate me, and keep running fun. It is incredible to think about the community that surrounds a sport that is solitary by nature. On race day, each individual that lines up has no doubt been carried to the line by several, if not dozens, of running friends. Friends they covered hundreds of miles with, while they shared training plans, goals, gave each other advice, and most likely talked about everything outside of running, too.

And then there are the friendships and relationships that carry me to the starting line that extend beyond running. The support, encouragement, and advice I receive from outside my running circles also keeps me going. I'm feeling especially grateful for the help from my friends at Green Mountain Crossfit at The Confluence. I'm one week into my 8 week training program for the mile, a plan they have carefully helped me create and fine-tune, and I'm already feeling the benefits of their knowledge in building strong bodies capable of performing functional movements at high intensity.

After a one-hour mobility session with Tyler at The Confluence last week, I felt enlightened about the way my body works and I gained critical awareness about what I need to do to continue to heal my knee injury and prevent further injuries from happening. At first I thought he was getting all Mr. Miyagi on me- trying to make a point in humility as he encouraged me to wedge my body in strange contortions in the name of "hip opening."

I love that by using this example, I'm Ralph Macchio. Kind of fulfilling a childhood dream.
What? I just really relate to Danielson. 

But when Tyler had me test my mobility by reaching for my toes before and after doing one such stretch- I saw the results were remarkable! When I hinged at my hips and reached my fingers down, I could actually reach several inches past where I did before the stretch. Duly noted, mobility work is key for me.

I also made another early morning WOD last week, where the camaraderie was just as great as the workout itself. I have to admit 3 days later I'm still a little sore from the pull-ups I did. I'm excited for more, and already I feel like I'm running smarter and more aware of my body. Next up is a weightlifting session with Nick. Will he Mr. Miyagi me? I'll keep you posted.

I'll leave you all with these two images of crossfit workouts. I'm in one of the pictures. I know it's hard to figure out which one, but give it a try:

Listen

Lately I've been doing a lot of listening, a lot of paying attention to the voice that doesn't use words, in this case, my body. As an athlete, listening to your body is not always easy, especially when your heart and mind would rather just flip your body the bird and keep on moving. We all know how that ends, though, and it is not a Rumi quote.

A few weeks ago, during my listening phase, I decided to head back to my local crossfit gym, Green Mountain Crossfit at The Confluence. At one point pre-injuries, I was doing crossfit 2-3 times a week there and loving it. For various life and then injury reasons, I fell out of the rhythm of going and it had been a while since I had a good WOD (workout of the day).

I was nervous as I laced up my sneakers and headed down to the workout area. There were some new faces, but most people I recognized, and the warm greeting I got was beyond welcoming. The instructor, Nick, led us through the warm-up and mobility movements as the 9 athletes circled around him. There was one man there who had done a particularly challenging WOD just a couple days before, and with each mobility movement he was exclaiming his soreness and the impossibility of certain positions.  As we reached up with a plastic PVC pipe overhead, we heard a "What the heck...jesus...that's not ok..." and so on. I appreciated his hilarious commentary because while I didn't share his soreness, I was feeling a little rusty in my mobility and I felt he was reading my mind.

After the warm-up and mobility, we got into some strength movements, and then the workout itself. I went easy and light with the weights, but there was no pressure to do otherwise. As Nick walked around, he gave me spot-on tips to correct mistakes in my form that I hadn't noticed myself. I finished the WOD sweaty, but not completely spent, and so excited about how good it felt! As we stretched out, each person I didn't know introduced themselves to me and welcomed me to the gym.

Last week when I blogged about looking for my Golden Egg, a friend wisely commented that I would "find it within." While I completely agree, I also think that a great community who supports, encourages, and coaches you can help you discover what is within. I am so lucky to have found that support at The Confluence. I have been back several times since that first WOD a few weeks ago, and for the next 8 weeks I will be working with the awesome team of instructors and fitness specialists as I train for the Montpelier Mile on July 3rd.

I look forward to keeping you posted on my progress, sharing my goals and what I have learned with this blog. And, if you're local, please join me at The Confluence or on the track!

My Golden Egg

It has been over a year since my last post. In many ways, it's been a pretty awesome year. I got a job that I love, working with great people, the boys are growing and it's fun to see their unique selves emerge as they get older. My sister had a baby, little Adeline, who is now toddling around with serious cuteness. So, yeah, life has been happening.

In the constant balance of life, though, not everything has been awesome. Since I hurt my back a year and a half ago, I have had a string of injuries. I was able to make it through many running years injury-free, and now I seem to be paying for it. I did have a few good running stretches in the past year, though. I was able to run a sub-6 minute mile last July and ran a 20:46 5k in the fall. Not the times I was hoping for, but I wasn't totally crushed. Then from Christmas to early April I was completely out of running- dealing with plantar fasciitis and GCKA (General Crappiness in the Knee Area). Coming back from the GCKA has been particularly hard, and now that I'm just starting back with running I'm realizing how much I lost and how hard I need to work to get back to where I want to be.

So, where to go from here? The big 4-0 hits at the end of the summer, and I have self-induced pressure to get some personal records before I'm too stinking old.  I'm not even near the shape I was in two years ago, and I'm kind of freaking out. Am I ever going to be able to run fast again, are my glory days over? Do you feel a Bruce Springstein song coming on or is it just me?

The point is, I need to find my golden egg. Some dear friends had an Easter party a month ago. They are famous for the amazing eggs hunts they have on their land, with literally hundreds of little plastic eggs hidden in their woods. They also hide a golden egg, and the child who finds the coveted golden egg wins a prize and in most cases, a lifetime of happiness (my 4 year old still regularly talks about how he found the golden egg 2 years ago). I know there is a golden egg that will open the door to strong running for me, that will help me reach my goals. Right now, I'm just standing in the woods, taking stock of where I'm at and keeping my eyes peeled for that golden egg.

And, as always, reminding myself that no matter what, if I feel like this when I'm running, I'm doing it all right: